Gassy Monk

Every year Americans celebrate their independence from the tyrannical, oppressive, capitalist & baby-killing British by lighting off fireworks, guzzlin' beers & thumbing our noses at...well, pretty much everybody. Actually, I don't know how many people think into it that deeply. Regardless, our former masters should be grateful to be free of the burden we call the US&A much in the same way parents might shed their children on an 18th birthday.

But I digress. The important thing is not that we remember our own freedom, but that we flaunt our freedoms for others to envy...right? But how? After several minutes of contemplation & finally a trip to the local foriegn goods market, it hit me: what better way to celebrate this occasion than to demonstrate how we Americans truly take advantage of our independence?

Thus, with a healthy dose of burger meat, enough beer to put down a large animal and, of course, some patriotic music to set the tone for the evening, we initiated the First Annual Nanjing Indoor Barbeque. This school played host to 3 americans, 1 brit, and more than 10 chinese teachers, workers & students, all called to one location in order to celebrate the July 4th holiday.

Alright. Basically it was an excuse for a party. Several of my students & fellow faculty members had said they wanted to try a real hamburger (read: other than McDs), so i started the search for a grill, some coal, and everything else that would make this party an enjoyable experience for my friends here. I'm not that keen on the holiday, really, but to show my people a good time is the least I can do after all they've done for me. In the end, it all came together, but not without a few complications.

5:30pm - First, it was looking like rain so we leaned towards having the bbq in a classroom. Then, a colleague on my dorm floor suggested we just put the grill in teh dorm stairway & open a window (and in the process subtly flaunting a freedom we in the US don't have!). Genius.

5:40pm - Then, the charcoal. Without any lighter fluid to smooth out a rough start, we had to get creative. That same colleague returned with some particle board, some cardboard that was more plastic tape than anything, and color-print newspaper. Was the environment to suffer for our party to continue on, unabated? Pollution schmollution. So, we made a stinky mess of everything, didn't get the coals lit, and then decided to try using some candles & wax as a catalyst instead. Um, it worked really well and the rest of the particle board was spared...

6:30pm - We start smackin' out burger patties & get things started. By now the other food we had around was pretty much gone, and people were ready to do what they really came to do: eat big fat grilled burgers and listen to good ol' american tunes. We had 8000 grams of ground beef. Nobody knows what that is in lbs, but it's a lot less, and it's imperative that the American government file a suit with the WTO against China's beef-gram subsidies that steal american jobs and suppress competition. Anyways, for the next 2+ blissful hours the guests chowed on burgers with the works: cheese, lettuce & tomato, sauteed onions, peppers & mushrooms, bbq sauce, ketchup, mustard.

Somewhere in that time frame the song "Proud to be an American" made it's way atop the playlist. The inspirational power of this song is unmatched (especially when paired with PBR - that's right, Pabst Blue Ribbon found its way to China and this small enclave of Nanjing), and instilled in David, Collen & I the urge to join in singing the sweet melody to our comrades. Reactions were mixed...not because of our performance, mind you, but because some couldn't understand the song lyrics enough to appreciate them!

10:20 - After the meal came the fireworks show. This was surprisingly limited given this country's claims as the Worlds Largest Fireworks Producing Country (according to official industry websites). But, we did have sparklers and a few fountains that left us Americans reminiscing about the good ol' charcoal snake.

Other things of note:
- the PBR sparked question from the one brit in the group, "so, what awards did this beer win, again?"
- the Hendrix version of the Star-Spangled Banner was, believe it or not, not well received.
- my love of Chinese teas, and a lack of bamboo rafts, were the only things that prevented a re-enactment of the Boston Tea Party in our campus pond

Several text messages reached me after the party - mostly in the form of thanks for a new experience - from my chinese friends. In turn, many thanks go to kissyface David (see pic) and Collen (across from me in the candle-lit bbq pic) in supporting their fellow countryman. Wouldn't have come together without their spirit & skills with a wok. Here are a few glorious comments from David (who's an expat working here in Nanjing and an international affairs expert known for giving articulate speeches) ,"That was the best damn American BBQ this country has ever seen. I think our American-Chinese relations made a huge jump last night thanks to a massive pile of ground beef." East meets West. Finding common ground. That is, after all, what this party was all about, and in the words of our fearless leader: mission accomplished.

Labels: China bbq, july 4th